Last September, I raised my hand to join a new project and retracted it, five minutes later. We were six program coordinators on a bi-weekly Zoom call, setting goals and scoping this project. The person who’d proposed it was psyched, pitching ideas and rallying for resources. My experience and skillset was a solid match for the work ahead. It made sense, to me and to everyone, that I would take part.

Then, I realized I wasn’t energized about the project.

The work was too familiar to me. It wasn’t the experience that I was seeking with this particular group. I knew I’d frustrate myself with my half-assed-ness and feel like I let everyone down.

I declared that I didn’t want to work on it.

Working through my unease, I was able to to find the words to explain that this wasn’t why I was here, that what I wanted to do was X instead. And I apologized and offered to be in a support role, which was immediately and heartily welcomed. The discussion moved onto next steps and ended on a high note.

I’ve been fulfilling this support role since, motivated to contribute in discrete ways that the project lead can run with. I feel at a greater ease in general, knowing that

• My expertise can still effectively benefit the group
• I will have capacity for X when the time comes
• We as a group can tend to our personal intentions and the program will be better for it

What would happen if we deliberately stepped aside more, instead of going with the flow?

It’s not often an obvious choice, especially in the moment. A I’ll see what happens can lead to interesting developments. But sometimes, stepping aside is what will protect the space for what we know matters to us.